louisiana lifetime channel

True story: My great-uncle tried to hire a hitman to kill the neighboring chicken farmer. He offered the hitman $1000 for the hit and $500 each (or maybe it was $100, I can't remember) for each of the neighboring chicken farmer's eyeballs. Like the lady in the following story, he was caught. Unlike this lady, he was caught before the hit happened because he was trying to hire an undercover state cop to perform the hit. My great-uncle is not exactly the smartest gator in the bayou. Let this be a lesson unto you, Louisianians: it never pays to hire a hitman. Unless you want to be on a Lifetime movie or, like my great-uncle, end up being a raving old coot whom everyone in the family hates. Via the Shreveport Times:

Caddo sheriff's detectives now believe Sunday's slaying in Keithville was orchestrated by the victim's wife who is alleged to have hired a hitman through a family friend.

Bobbie Loretta Luttrell, wife of 50 years to Ernest Lutrell, was arrested Thursday for first-degree murder, following her husband's funeral. Detectives said she'd been in Arkansas with family since the killing.

Caddo Parish Sheriff Steve Prator said detectives discovered over the course of a four-day investigation Luttrell plotted with family friend and housekeeper Tina VanMoerkerque, arrested Wednesday, to kill her husband.

Luttrell asked VanMoerkerque to find a hitman to kill her husband and said she'd pay that person $1,000. VanMoerkerque found Erick Crain, who was arrested Tuesday, and he accepted the contract, according to Cindy Chadwick, Caddo sheriff's office spokesperson. Chadwick said Luttrell and VanMoerkerque planned Sunday's murder and robbery together.

Prator said the murder was pre-planned and financially motivated, but said the details of the motivation would come out during trial.

"It's something like a Lifetime movie would be about," Prator said.

we would argue about this study, but we're too lazy

My sister brings this item to our attention: 

America's laziest state? Louisiana

When it comes to kicking back, the Pelican State reigns supreme

Mario Tama / Getty Images file

People fish off a pier July 17 in Grand Isle, La. Sport fishing may be big in Louisiana, but new data indicate that the more popular pastimes are sleeping, goofing off and watching television.

by Venessa Wong

updated 7/26/2010 7:42:26 AM ET

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In Louisiana, where the humidity is as thick as the gumbo, people prefer to take it slow. Hunting, fishing, and outdoor sporting activity may have earned Louisiana the nickname "Sportsman's Paradise," but new data indicate that the more popular pastimes are sleeping, goofing off, and watching television.

In a new ranking by Businessweek.com based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), Louisiana claims the top spot as the country's laziest state. To be clear, by "lazy" we do not mean lacking work ethic or engagement. Rather, it is a measure of leisure time spent doing sedentary activities compared with activities that require more physical effort, such as exercising and even working. Mississippi and Arkansas came in second and third, and while states in the south and southeast are represented heavily in the list, such East Coast states as Delaware and New York placed in the top 20.

diaper dave sticks his nose where it doesn't belong again

Sen. David Vitter is an expert at putting his foot in his mouth and maintaining antiquated gender roles, so it came as no surprise to the Oh Louisiana team that he made another stupid comment recently. Via Gawker:

Sen. David Vitter Jokes That Rachel Maddow Doesn't Look Like a Woman, Apologizes

Sen. David Vitter's unforced lady-related issues continue! The Louisianan, who had affairs with prostitutes and employed a "women's issues" aide who knifed women,joked on the radio today about how Rachel Maddow looks like a dude. Yes, he's apologizing.

MALE HOST: I wonder if Senator Vitter is ever going to post, like, maybe the video of the first time he was on the floor of the Senate. If I have to show the way I looked the first time I was on TV, you should do that too.
VITTER: We should go further back than that, how about high school yearbook?
MALE HOST: Oh yeah.
VITTER: De La Salle marching band.
MALE HOST: That'd be cool. Well you know, with Rachel Maddow they had that picture of her...
FEMALE HOST: Looking like a woman.
MALE HOST: Yeah it was really bizarre.
VITTER: [LAUGHS]: Must have been a long time ago.
ALL THREE: [HEAVY LAUGHTER]

a glimmer of hope

Oh, and BP might have actually capped the oil well:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/jul/16/bp-oil-cap-spill-control

About goddamn time.

louisiana power!

Just when you think Louisiana might have moved out of the 19th century, someone manages to prove you wrong. From the Times-Picayune, the mayor of Pearl River gets a little testy:

At the end of Tuesday's meeting of the Pearl River Board of Aldermen, Lavigne refused to allow Marshall to comment about an issue discussed during the meeting. When Marshall continued to try to ask a question about how long members of the fire board would serve, Lavigne told him he would not take questions and added, "I hope the Ku Kluxers get you, too."

It was not clear exactly what the mayor meant by the comment or why he referenced the Klan, and his Thursday statement shed no light on those issues. 

Oh, and Mr. Reporter? It's clear why he referenced the Klan and what he meant by the comment. You're just too chickenshit to say that the mayor is a racist asshole.

gatorade + grits = a good old time

http://www.nola.com/traffic/index.ssf/2010/07/car_wrecks_gatorade_and_grits_make_for_slow_going_in_i-10_in_metairie.html

Car wrecks, Gatorade and grits make for slow going on I-10 in Metairie

Published: Friday, July 02, 2010, 5:05 PM     Updated: Friday, July 02, 2010, 6:46 PM

 Michelle Hunter, The Times-Picayune 
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Traffic traveling through Metairie on Interstate 10 was reduced to a slow crawl for several hours Friday afternoon as motorists navigated a multiple-vehicle accident that closed down three eastbound lanes and an 18-wheeler with a cracked trailer full of Gatorade and grits blocking a westbound lane, according to State Police.