good morning, new orleans!

i cast thee out in the name of bobby jindal

Today, we revisit an oldie but a goodie: Bobby Jindal's experiences as an exorcist and a faith healer. The Huffington Post has some particularly interesting snippets.

In the essay, Jindal describes an emotional friendship with a classmate, "Susan," recently diagnosed with skin cancer and reeling after the suicide of a close friend. Susan's behavior becomes stranger, and she is surrounded by "sulfuric" smells. Finally, one night at a prayer meeting, she collapses in a seizure -- and the exorcism begins:

The students, led by Susan's sister and Louise, a member of a charismatic church, engaged in loud and desperate prayers while holding Susan with one hand. Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, "Satan, I command you to leave this woman." Others exhorted all "demons to leave in the name of Christ." It is no exaggeration to note the tears and sweat among those assembled. Susan lashed out at the assembled students with verbal assaults.

Jindal then describes how the whole situation made him physically uncomfortable, and he wondered if the same demon afflicting Susan was responsible for his state of nervousness:

Whenever I concentrated long enough to begin prayer, I felt some type of physical force distracting me. It was as if something was pushing down on my chest, making it very hard for me to breathe. . . Though I could find no cause for my chest pains, I was very scared of what was happening to me and Susan. I began to think that the demon would only attack me if I tried to pray or fight back; thus, I resigned myself to leaving it alone in an attempt to find peace for myself.

After a lull in the event -- it in fact lasted "a few hours" by Jindal's reckoning -- Susan attempted to run away, but was dutifully pinned back on the floor by her friends:

Maybe she sensed our weariness; whether by plan or coincidence, Susan chose the perfect opportunity to attempt an escape. She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.

After what sounds like a number of hours, and a failed attempt at getting help from a preacher (he refused to assist), the exorcism finally concludes in dramatic fashion:

It appeared as if we were observing a tremendous battle between the Susan we knew and loved and some strange evil force. But the momentum had shifted and we now sensed that victory was at hand. While Alice and Louise held Susan, her sister continued holding the Bible to her face. Almost taunting the evil spirit that had almost beaten us minutes before, the students dared Susan to read biblical passages. She choked on certain passages and could not finish the sentence "Jesus is Lord." Over and over, she repeated "Jesus is L..L..LL," often ending in profanities. In between her futile attempts, Susan pleaded with us to continue trying and often smiled between the grimaces that accompanied her readings of Scripture. Just as suddenly as she went into the trance, Susan suddenly reappeared and claimed "Jesus is Lord."
With an almost comical smile, Susan then looked up as if awakening from a deep sleep and asked, "Has something happened?" She did not remember any of the past few hours and was startled to find her friends breaking out in cheers and laughter, overwhelmed by sudden joy and relief.

Jindal writes proudly about the experiment's conclusion: "When the operation occurred, the surgeons found no traces of cancerous cells. Susan claimed she had felt healed after the group prayer and can remember the sensation of being 'purified.'"

sometimes this blog just writes itself

Via the Times-Picayune:

Lafourche Parish man strolls nude at God's command

By The Associated Press

May 20, 2010, 10:29AM

THIBODAUX, La. (AP) -- A man who told police that God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul has been arrested.
Thibodaux police responded to an obscenity complaint around 2 a.m. Thursday and found Shafiq Mohamed walking nude down the street.
When approached; Mohamed reportedly told officers that "America raped him" and added God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul.
Mohamed was taken into custody and charged with obscenity. He was booked into the Lafourche Parish Detention Center where he awaited bail.
It was not immediately known whether Mohamed has an attorney.

dances with oiled-up pelicans

Well, who knew that Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves could help Louisiana figure out how to steal from the rich oil companies and give to the poor ecosystem. Via the Times-Picayune:

Kevin Costner's idea for cleaning up Gulf of Mexico oil spill gets nod from BP, report says

By Times-Picayune Staff

May 18, 2010, 11:09PM

Morry Gash/The Associated Press archiveKevin CostnerBP has decided that a $24 million oil-water separator promoted by actor Kevin Costner could be useful in its response to the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, WWL-TV reports.

Costner came forward this month with an oil spill cleanup technology he started devising after the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska. He demonstrated a centrifuge that he said could be placed on barges and used to suck in oily water, separate the oil and spit out mostly pure water.

BP watched the machine at work this past Thursday.

when jesus comes back, we'll be ready for him

Via the Times-Picayune:

House committee gives its blessing to carrying concealed weapons to churches, temples

By Ed Anderson, The Times-Picayune

April 28, 2010, 2:19PM

BATON ROUGE -- Persons who have have been qualified to carry concealed weapons should be able to keep them strapped on in a church or temple as a way to enhance security, a House committee said today.

The Committee on the Administration of Criminal Justice voted 8-3 for House Bill 68 by Rep. Henry Burns, R-Shreveport, sending it to more debate on the House floor.

The bill would allow a church to hire a security force or create its own by authorizing the  church's board or pastor to tap parishioners who have concealed weapons permits to bring them to church. State law now bans weapons in houses of worship.

The bill does not limit the number of congregants who can be used as the security force.

my achy breaky political position

Louisiana has moved past porn stars as candidates for governor and moved on to country singers for lieutenant governor: 

Country singer Sammy Kershaw will run for Louisiana lieutenant governor

By The Associated Press

May 03, 2010, 5:48PM

Country singer Sammy Kershaw says he will run for Louisiana lieutenant governor again.

The Republican from Lafayette said he is running for people who are tired of career politicians and political insiders who are just waiting to run for another position.

He has promised to sign a pledge to not run or campaign for another office during his entire term if he's elected in the fall, and he's challenging every other candidate to do the same.

Kershaw lost a previous bid for lieutenant governor in 2007. He is known for numerous country hits, including the No. 1 "She Don't Know She's Beautiful."